Why Breaking Up Is Hard To Do or How To Move To the Suburbs Without Losing Your Mind

To those of you struggling with the decision of leaving the city for the suburbs, I offer my own journey when faced with the same dilemna.

​I drove past my "dream" house dozens of times, wishing a FOR SALE sign would magically appear on the front lawn. I believed that if I were able to live in that house, the uncertainty of giving up my city lifestyle would be less disturbing. 

Making a decision to move to the suburbs felt challenging. I felt confident in my solid relationship with Chicago. Living in the city for a long time, I was connected. I found my neighborhood niche. The unique shops dotting nearby streets; favorite corner restaurants or bars; best local workout studios; or simply the proximity of parks or the lake. Walking my dog day and night, I felt the magnetic force of the city. The real estate trend to live in the city longer than previous generations made sense. But while walking my dog along with my first child, I began to have more complicated feelings about living in the city. By the time I was walking my dog and two children, I experienced the classic quandary. Should I continue to live in the city with children (ultimately four children), or should I move to the suburbs? Certainly not every city dweller finds this to be an issue. But for me, the time spent enjoying this relationship was nearing its end. I noticed certain irritations that did not bother me before. I needed to re-think my priorities and when I did, the break up was inevitable.    

The lengthy search for the dream home was complicated. Although I was knowledgeable about many suburbs. I had to determine where our needs as a family would be met. I was clear about one thing,-there was no way I was going to live where I grew up. 

The solution for me was to research. I critiqued the homes in more ways than I can even count. Where was the house located: On a corner? Near to anything undesirable? Walkable to a Starbucks? (Another one of my addictions.)  Was the house on a nice lot? Was I giving up my deck in the city for a decent backyard? Was it too close to the street? Was it in a quiet area? Were the houses nearby nicely maintained? Would I need to renovate? How long would the commute be to work? Was there a train easily accessible? You get the picture, and that was only the beginning of questioning everything about the purchase. I will spare you the questions about the home's interior. Even I could not stand to dissect this decision any longer. I was completely stressed out. My intense struggle to find the right house in the right suburb was just getting in the way. I realized that the decision of one suburb versus another suburb, or one house being better than another house was no different than most life decisions. I needed to focus on core values and keeping a balance in my life. My focus to move was about my children and how to best serve their needs. Re-energized with a specific viewpoint, I found my dream house much quicker.  There remained one problem...it was not for sale. Of course that didn't stop me from willing it to be available.  I never went up to the door or badgered the owners at any time. Amazingly, one random day I drove past the house again and saw it. It was For Sale By Owner. I bought that house before I even walked inside. And of course...it was within a mile of where I grew up.